you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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