my mouth tastes like poor choices
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
