maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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