i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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