I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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