Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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