I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
