I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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