How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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