hotel room ftw
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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