Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
