It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
