Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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