after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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