Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
