Sry I called you an 8
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
