Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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