Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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