Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
