i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
