she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
