I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
