Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
