I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im six kinds of drunk right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
