coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
