I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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