You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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