Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
