Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
