just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
