yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you had me at cake vodka
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
