The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
