As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
