Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
