the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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