Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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