Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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