and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
