After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
