i love accidental penises.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
