how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
