Just fell off a train. Bad.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
