My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
