so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
