drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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