Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
