one might say we're banned from that church
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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