I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
