Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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