Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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