I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
