think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
